LETTER #17
This letter to Jerry is a little different in that Jerry's side of the conversations was lost, except for his final comment to JC.
December 05, 2017 from JC
I spent all last night and part of this morning waiting for the voices. Every time I prayed I could see them. Some looked like bugs, some looked like monsters, some looked like Minotaurs, and worms, and weird plants that attach to you and eat your feelings, some looked like frogs and they put perversion in your mind.
When I would pray they would bring distracting thoughts of sex or nudity. There were huge spiders that induce fear and I asked holy angels to handcuff them one at a time as I became aware of them and saw angel hands push them into a jail cell of white holy light.
This light comes from big sheets of illuminated diamond or some precious gem. It lines the hole they fall through. They can’t get a grip on it and the light of it is warm and stunningly beautiful. Radiant and Very bright and concentrated. Dazzlingly white and yellow.
The cell has no floor and drops them into a huge pit of fire. They stopped talking to me until this morning and then I started asking the angels to bind them and push them into the cell. As soon as I hear anything negative I ask the angels to bind them and push them into that cell.
It’s so deep and the drop is so huge that they can’t come back. I feel like I’ve been watching dozens of them dropping down the hole.
You are right that I owe MK nothing. He’s extremely negative. He holds this personal fable about what a good hard working guy he is and how I did him wrong. This is not how my kids or I see it.
I admit I wasn’t a perfect wife and I apologized for the things that I did wrong. He still brings them up like they’re fresh. No forgiveness. No accountability for his part. I told him the devil accuses me of what I’ve been forgiven of. So does he. None of my kids want to see him.
I keep remembering that he was poisoning me. Why should I let him in? I feel like I should be kind and loving.... even though he’s toxic???? Wow. When I was homeless with the kids and living in shelters he didn’t help me. Unless he thought he would have sex. He had a girlfriend who had a place and when he realized I wasn’t going to have sex he stopped visiting us at the shelter.
He tells tales about what a hard working guy he is and how I did him wrong. He’s a user and a manipulative person. He was spoiled rotten and expected me to pamper him so he could play video games for hours and have the kids watch him play.
December 05, 2017 From JC
In the past I’ve asked MK not to come over. I’ve given him links to where he can get breakfast and a shower. He begs me to not kick him out. He makes me feel sorry for him. He has nowhere else to go. He has nothing and nobody. He had no compassion for me or the kids when we were in that situation. He reminds me that he’s almost been 5150 and he’s got huge scars down his right arm. He’s left handed. He changes the story about what made him do that. He’s dishonest and manipulative.
December 05, 2017 From JC
He doesn’t forgive me. He’s a bully and a coward. I don’t want him here but he worms his way back and shows up unexpectedly for a shower.
December 05, 2017 From JC
By the way I do have a job. I don’t make enough money to support everybody. I’m also taking a developmental psychology class as the last prerequisite for a psychiatric technician program
December 10, 2017 from JC 10:42 am
Making good progress……………….
I checked out the tat thing and noticed immediately that it does something
December 10, 2017 from JC 11:45 am
I keep feeling like God is telling me “watch what I will do”. Not as a voice. I’m barely hearing the voices at all.
December 11, 2017 from JC 9:03 am
When I hear the whirring sound I focus on who it is coming from and ask the angels to tape their mouths shut and drop them down the hole.
December 11, 2017 from JC 9:03 am
Wow! One of my sons has a friend who is always here at my house. I know he’s been very abused and he and I have debated ad nauseam about religion, politics, God, and bipolar disorder. He and I have both been diagnosed as bipolar with psychotic tendencies. He’s 19 and medicated. So tonight I told him I quit taking my meds over two months ago and I’ve been learning how to shut the voices down. I have been telling him what I did. He comes from a Muslim background and we are Christians. I told him that I saw a Muslim psychiatrist and American psychiatrist claiming that the voices are demons. He couldn’t bear the conversation and left. You had mentioned that as being a common experience as well. The weird thing is that immediately after he left I heard the voices very loudly trying to tell me something but I wouldn’t let them amp up. I told this kid about the duct tape and the jail cell of white light with the missing floor that drops down to a pit of fire.
December 15, 2017 from JC
When I was three my parents lived on 61st street and Fishburn in Maywood, Ca.
My father had been raised Catholic and I had been baptized as a baby. My mom did not believe either way.
One day my dad was talking to me. I was asking why the sky is blue and why the grass is green and things like that. My dad was a very smart guy and explained to me that the sky reflects the water from the ocean, and he explained to me in a way I could understand that chlorophyll made the grass green. He used the word chlorophyll and told me the sun shines on it and it makes sugar from water and that big animals eat the grass and get the sugar. I asked how that happened and then he started talking about how God made things. He went on to tell me about angels. He said God made angels to help the people that love him. He said angels love us.
I had a little back bed room with a door that led to the backyard and there was a laundry room between my room and the kitchen. In the laundry room which had a washer and dryer there was a water heater. At first my bed was in a position to see the flame of the water heater. At night I had been seeing little people about my size going behind the water heater which had about a one or two inch gap between it and the wall. I went back to see how they were doing that because the space was too small to allow someone my size to fit there. I think there were three of them. This was in 1970. I had never seen a gray alien on tv or anywhere else, but that’s what they looked like. When I was investigating how they did that, one of them came and talked to me. He said my name and I asked how he knew my name. He said he watched me and saw all the things I did. I told him I was three and asked if he was three too. He said no, he was much older. I asked him how he got behind the water heater and he said he was a space man and that he could go into the spaces between the walls and that he had seen me playing in the ivy by the side of the house where my dad told me not to play. He said he liked that. I asked him how he could talk to me without moving his mouth. He said he pushed his thoughts. He told me if I saw a bobby pin I should put it in an electrical outlet. He also told me that I should turn on the knobs of the stove. I asked him why his eyes were so big, he asked why mine were so small. I asked if he loved me, he said no. He then told me he was going to scare me. I asked him how he was going to do that. He turned into a big bad wolf with a mouth so big he could have eaten me with one bite and I peed on myself and passed out. This memory was suppressed until I became an adult.
When I was five my parents divorced. He was a violent alcoholic. I believe I was set up to hear the voices because of some inherent sensitivity and extreme traumatic events I experienced.
When I was seven, my mom and my dad’s sister were very close. We lived in apartments on near an In N Out. My aunt and her sons, my cousins, lived in the next row of apartments which shared our courtyard. One day, my aunt and my mom took us all to Toys R Us. They bought some toys for us and a Ouija board. A short time later I asked my mom if I could play with it and she said it didn’t work. My neighbor "L" was 8 and I was 7. We took it to my mom’s room and played with it. It seems like it wouldn’t answer "L"’s questions but it answered mine. I asked if I would marry a boy I liked named "N". It said no. I asked who I would marry. It spelled out “MK.” (I actually did marry a MK about 20yrs later). I asked it if it had a name, and it told me a name. I went to my mom and said, “The Ouija board has a name! Its name is Satin, like the material. S-a-t-a-n.” She said, “That’s not satin, that’s satan.” I had no idea what that meant and went back to talk to it. Then it asked me a question, “Can I come in?” I said, “Yes,” and looked for someone to appear at the door of my mom’s room. "L" said as soon as I looked at the door I turned to her with murder in my eyes. She said I looked like I wanted to kill her. She said I crouched down as if to jump on her and I was growling. She ran away from my house afraid of me. I didn’t remember that, it’s like there was another consciousness that took over and I was not conscious.
I shared a room with my younger brother and we both started having night terrors. He was 5 and we shared the bed. He became afraid of sleeping by the door and I was afraid of sleeping by the wall. I was having horrible nightmares. There were many things that happened but this one sticks out in my mind, because it’s the same exact messages the voices said to me as a 45 year old woman when I started hearing them. Mind you, I was seven years old. There was a skeleton I saw on an episode of “Land of the Lost,’ who was wearing hound tooth print knickerbockers with matching vest and cap. It looked like something a paperboy from the 20’s would wear. The skeleton comes out of my ceiling spinning like a ceiling fan blade, where there is no fan. He’s clacking his teeth and the malevolence was palpable. He said, “I’m going to rape you, I’m going to f you in the a.. I’m going to rape you and you’re going to be with me.” I had no idea what rape meant. I thought he was going to eat me alive. I had never heard the f word and didn’t know what ass was. He spun down very close to my face and threatened me. I pulled the covers over my face and heard him clacking and saying he was going to have fun with me. He was going to have his way with me. He would tear my skin off and eat me. He would break my bones. He would vomit me out and let others eat me. Just sick stuff. I understood all that. I asked my mom what rape meant and she wouldn’t tell me and told me not to say things like that. I asked what it means when someone said I want to f you in the a. She was alarmed and asked who said that to me. I told her it was the skeleton from the ceiling. She said it was a bad dream and not to say those words. They were bad words. This was not the only experience, just the one that most closely lines up with what the voices actually said to me as an adult. I had so many nightmares at this time.
"L" in the meantime was having problems in her house as well. Her dad came over to talk to me about what we had been doing and said that there were demons running all over the walls of her room, they could hear running feet on the walls that night. He said they were Christians of some kind…I think Pentecostal or Baptist. He said he used a holy book and had to cast it out. I didn’t know what that meant. He tried to talk to my mom about it, but she wouldn’t hear of it. He wanted to pray for me and she said no. He wanted to come in to our house and pray for us and she said no. He later talked to me when I was catching moths on the hibiscus bushes. I loved those moths. I told him his daughter and I had been playing with a Ouija board. He looked scared. He said his daughter had come home crying and thought I was going to kill her. He asked if he could put his hand on my head and pray for me. I said ok. He said I began to growl. Then he asked me if he could have the board and throw it away. I went in and asked my mom if we could throw it away and she said she didn’t care because it didn’t work. I remember "L"s dad tried to break it. He leaned it against a wall and tried to kick it to break it and it wouldn’t break. He tried to crack it on his knee and it wouldn’t crack. Eventually he threw it away.
I started having delight in scaring my mom. I would hide behind doors and jump out. I would hide in the blankets of her bed and wait for her to come into her room so I could pop out to scare her. I would make weird noises to freak her out.
We briefly lived in Baldwin Park where there was some kind of an electrical wire that would touch the water pipes. My mom was seriously electrocuted while she was in the shower. This is where the Baptist bus used to pick us up and take us to church. I was lucky that my mom was friends with the neighbor a few doors down. She had a daughter my age. We were in the same child care day program and the same class in elementary school. "D" and her siblings went to the Baptist church with the kids in the neighborhood and they invited us to go. The bus captain was giving the kids free peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and they sang songs on the bus so I wanted to go. I liked it. The bus captain, "Dg", kept asking me if I wanted to receive Christ and I said no. He kept saying, “You’re not ready yet?” I’d say, “No.” We didn’t live there long before "L"s little brother, (from the old apartment ) wanted to come spend the night with my little brother. So he came and the two little boys were playing with matches and caught an old wooden storage shed full of antique furniture on fire. There was a huge lot of tall grass behind the shed, and all of that went up as well.
Then we moved to Baldwin Park. My next door neighbor was a kid named "R". He and I had been in 3rd grade together and his family went to a church with a huge childrens ministry. They took me with them in their station wagon. The kids were supposed to be in this walled off grassy yard. I didn’t know anyone and I decided to take a look around. The buildings had stairs with those wrought iron rails. I went up the stairs to the back of one building and I saw the young pastor take off behind a building with a young woman. I thought nothing of it. I didn’t know either of them. I was about 8 or 9. A short while Later, the Sunday school classes were starting. There were several grades of kids together. I was one of the youngest in the group. It was something like 4th, 5th, and 6th grades. That same young woman was the teacher. As she started to teach her lesson, I had an overwhelming desire to act up. This was not really my nature because I’m kind of quiet and shy. The next thing I know, I’m standing up and everyone is looking at me with wide eyed surprise. I’m looking around confused and the young woman teaching the class is completely distraught and says,
“We don’t talk like that in church.”
I said something else… or the devil did, and the next thing I remember is she’s telling me to get out of her class.
I heard myself say in a deep voice, “I’m not leaving. You are.”
I’m standing there confused when a handsome Mexican kid next to me says, “Why are you saying that?”
I looked at him confused and said, “I’m not.”
He said, “You’re calling her names and saying she did things with the pastor.”
I was totally confused. “No, I didn’t.”
He said, “You just stood up and started calling her all these names and told her and everybody what she’s doing with the pastor. I didn’t know she was like that.”
I said, “What’s she doing?”
He said, “You just said it. It came out of your mouth.”
I shook my head no. “I didn’t say anything.”
She got this terrified look on her face and they called an elderly man in to talk to me. I was still confused as the whole thing seemed disconnected and surreal. I didn’t understand what was happening.
The man told me his name was George, like Saint George. I didn’t know who that was.
He explained, “Saint George came to fight the dragon, and I’m come to fight a dragon too.” He led me to the stairs and asked me if we can sit together and talk.
I said, “Ok.”
He said, “Do you know what this is about?” I said, “No. They say I was saying mean things but I don’t remember.”
He said, “You made some pretty strong accusations about that young lady in there. Do you know what you said?” I said, “No.”
He was surprised and asked me again, “You don’t know what you said?” I said, “No.”
He said, “I need to take a minute to pray.”
I was feeling very uncomfortable. He started talking to me about Jesus. Telling me that Jesus loves the little children. He was quoting scriptures. Saying, “ Let the little children come unto me.”
He told me that all I had to do to receive the love of Jesus was ask him into my heart.
“Do you want to ask Jesus into your heart?” I said, “No.”
He said, “You don’t?” I said, “No. They’re always asking me that at the other church.”
He started asking the Lord for answers. He asked me questions about whether I was playing with some kind of cards, or if my parents had ever put me on a black table, or if there was any way an evil spirit could come in to my life. I told him about the Ouija board. I got the impression that this was what he was looking for. I told him we had thrown it away. He said throwing it away was good, but that it didn’t fix the problem. He asked if he could pray for me. I said ok. He told me to close my eyes and that Jesus was waiting for me with open arms. I could see Jesus in my mind standing there with open arms and smiling at me. I knew he loved me. He asked if he could put his hands on my head and ask Jesus to make the devil come out of me. I said no. he asked if he could put his hands on my head. I said yes. He started talking to the devil and telling him he had no dominion over me. I think the devil disagreed. He said he needed my help to make the devil get out but that I had to want Jesus in my heart. I still said no. He continued to quote scripture and tell me about the love of Jesus. I was in and out of awareness.
He asked me, “Do you want the love of Jesus in your heart? You’ve said no, this many times. Nod your head yes if you want the love of Jesus to save you from all the trouble the devil started for you.”
I nodded my head and he prayed for me.
“You nodded your head in agreement with allowing Jesus in your heart.”
I started vomiting all over the stairs. Good old Saint George rubbed my back. He was grandfatherly and kind. He prayed for me to be delivered from evil. He prayed for me to receive Jesus. Then he asked me to repeat after him. I said some kind of sinners prayer and renounced the works of darkness.
The church service started. Saint George had me come in with the adults in the service. The young pastor resigned at the pulpit. All these older people were looking at me and shaking their heads. I always have the weirdest experiences..
December 8, 2017 from JC 8:00 am
Yes she can use my conversations to help others. I haven’t been hearing them much.
I’m kind of distraught.
December 8, 2017 from Jerry 6:37 am
It doesn't sound like he's much emotional support either. If he thinks he can support himself let him go, otherwise tell him he needs to help out or get out. Sherry got rid of the voices on her own while alone. By the way, she would like your written permission to remove your ID and post some of our conversation on her website to help others out. Something needs to be done with the emotional pain when you feel it. Here are two websites that deal with getting rid of emotional pain and baggage. One is a type of tapping on acupuncture sites, both are supposed to work. When you start feeling that emotional pain, I'd like you to try out these techniques and let me know how they work for you. Here are the web addressesEFT Tapping andTatlife. Play soothing music, they don't like that either. Who will take responsibility for your life if you don't?
December 8, 2017 from JC 10:35 am
The battle is raging. I keep seeking Jesus. I didn’t hear them at all this morning but the emotional pain is going hard
I’m working but I’m not making enough money. I’ve begged and pleaded with my 22 yr old son to please get a job and help me. He says when he gets a job he’s moving out. This really hurts me. I feel like I can’t do it alone