LETTER #7
On Sunday, February 5, 2017 10:04 PM, FM wrote:
Dear doc, I haven't been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I do have inner turmoil in my brain. I have depression, OCD, anxiety. I'm a male and as a child I was abused. I don't hear auditory voices, but about three years ago I was frozen, meaning I woke up one morning and couldn't move. I was guilt ridden about something that I'm not sure I was guilty of but my brain kept telling me I did this thing even though I know it wasn't real. This went on for two years, every second off every minute of every hour for two years. Eventually I couldn't take it any more and tried to end my life. I failed. It was an utter hell pure torment. I have a wonderful wife and three beautiful children but I could see no way out, I'm better today but I can't have any spare time to myself. I can't relax because the inner voice starts tearing me and my character apart, making me feel horrible about little petty things and blows them out of proportion. The only time I get peace is when my brain is occupied please could you help me to understand what this might be? Sincerely FM
===
On Feb 6, 2017 9:25 AM, "Jerry Marzinsky" wrote:
FM, no, what you are telling me doesn't sound crazy at all. I'm going to tell you what's going on, but you are going to have to ask for help from your guardian angel or a higher power to drive and silence your voices before reading what follows and ask that your voices be prevented from interfering with the information contained here. It is predictable that as you start into this message your voices will get louder, try to distract you or put you to sleep. They don't want you to know or understand the information that follows and it will take a battle with them for you to do so. You may need the help of your wife to feed you the information below and the information on the web links I will give you at the bottom of this note as your voices are not going to want you to hear this information.
You must understand that the voices that come to you in the form of thoughts are inserted into your mind and do not belong to you. They are not you. The voices want you to believe that the negative, fearful, guilt generating thoughts that materialize in your mind are yours and who you are when in fact they are alien parasites whose purpose is to generate as much negative emotional energy as possible which is their food.
I'm sure you noticed that after they attack your energy level is in the dumps, but they prevent you from realizing the one-to-one correspondence between their *appearance* and your energy disappearing. These entities prey on those who are seriously emotionally or physically injured. Unlike the hallucinations that psychiatry tells you they are, as you've seen for yourself they are consistently negative, abusive and derogatory very much unlike hallucinations which are random in nature. Like I said, their goal is to generate as much negative emotional energy from you as possible which is their food. To accomplish this they insert every type of negative, guilt and fear producing thought into your mind they can come up with. Since they have complete access to your memory, they will also find and draw to your attention every shameful thing you have ever done and rub it in your face for as long as you feel guilt and shame over such incidents.
If they cannot find something that will make you feel guilt-ridden, they will make thing up, to leave you confused. The voices care nothing about you other than as a food source. Filling your head with suicidal thoughts is one of the most anxiety and fearful tactics they commonly use along with accusing people of doing horrible things they know they have not done but insisting they have. Again, they are not you, they and the thoughts they insert into your mind do not belong to you. You must understand this if you are going to have any chance of recovery.
As you have already seen, the medications the doctors have given you do not cure schizophrenia or other forms of depression. They merely suppress the symptoms and they do so only because they sedate and calm you, interfering with the ability of your voices to generate negative emotion. This is why one of the first things the voices go after are these medications. They want no interference. They also will do everything they can to get you to say and do things that will cut you off from your family and drive you into isolation so your family can't support or help you.
At the present time you need these medications to function somewhat normally and to study and understand the information found at the links below despite the fact that the side effects are awful and they cause long term damage. I highly recommend that you read and intensely study all of the information at the sites below. Your voices will do everything in their power to prevent you from doing so. Much valuable information that will help you fight these things off is contained on our Facebook page.
Sherry and I would be more than willing to help you out if we see that you are utilizing the material we've provided for those suffering from schizophrenia and other forms of depression like yourself. We thank you for giving us permission to post your letter on our website. Conversations like these could help thousands of others out there thinking they are alone with no one who really understands what they are going through, even their doctors who tell them they are crazy, hallucinating and that there is not cure. There Is a Cure, but you are going to have to do the fighting.
We would both very much like to know how well the information we are providing is helping you with your battle with the parasitic entities which have invaded you. In addition to the materials below, I would also highly recommend that you visit the website offthelefteye put out by the Swedenborg foundation and utilize your free time watching as many of their video's a day as you can tolerate which will also greatly help you understand what is going on with you. Please keep touch and let us know if the information we've provided you is helping.
Please visit and carefully study the information provided on the following links all of which will give you many more weapons with which to fight back against the ugly entities which plague you.
Jerry
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100012162285287&fref=ts
Website http://www.keyholejourney.com/paranormal-articles.html
offTheLeftEye https://www.youtube.com/user/offTheLeftEye/videos?shelf_id=1&view=0&sort=dd
===
On Feb 7, 2017 9:39 PM, "FM" wrote:
Thank you, Jerry, for getting back too me so quickly. I am not from America. I left my other country 20 years ago; had enough of the bombs and the threat to my life like many of my brother's. My downhill spiral of mental well-being started in 2008 2009. I was self employed. The crash happened, with a family to support and no work coming in.
I became even more depressed. I was self medicating with alcohol, so I thought it a good idea to join AA. I know you're a qualified substance councilor. Please forgive me if I'm jumping around a bit. Head injury due to my fall. I was in AA from 2004 and left in 2015. It made me even sicker because every time I had to do step 4 and 5 it made my thoughts even louder and was making me sicker, if that makes sense to you. I don't believe that I'm a full blown alcoholic, but I do understand that it's not a good idea for me to be drinking especially with my head injury. I'm still sober today. I relapsed one time.
So back to 2008 and 2009, my shrink had me OK 300m of effexor; 5m of zyprexa; 4 mi of lorezapam; then I woke up one morning in 2010 and couldn't move. I was frozen to the bed clothes. My mind was racing a thousand miles an hour about every little minute thing I had ever done wrong. My wife put it down to doing the 4 and 5 step in AA that was making me sick. Then the medications stopped working, so we decided that I should go to a rehab were I would be safe going through the withdrawals from the benzos. I thought I was going to carrier clinic in east New York. When I got there they told me my insurance wasn't going to cover my stay there. Mind you, I called before I made the trip and all was well.
So they marched me over to the building next to the insurance carrier and let me tell you that was an absolute living hell. The patients in there were absolutely insane. Now here I was thinking I was going to a place for some treatment as regards Benson withdrawals, so for a couple off days I was going through hell, then out of left field I awakened one morning with this thought in my head that back when I was 19 years old I was accused of doing something terrible but to this day have no memory of this happening.
I have searched my brain believe me, so this one thought tormented me as I've said in my last message from 2010 to 2012 nonstop. I read the St Francis prayer everyday and a page from The Bible. Yes, I am Catholic. It helped. Then it would come back stronger than before, and at that point I said to myself that ego took over.
I wasn't bringing in any money. I couldn't work because my mind had me completely frozen. I will never forget the day. It was a Sunday morning. I got into my work truck, drove to the beach that day and stayed there for 5 hours waiting for people to leave and that whole time my brain was egging me on: "go do it...kill yourself." So I jumped into the back of my truck, grabbed a box cutter and sliced open my wrist.
I actually reached for a flash light to make sure I did the job right. I cut my arm to where I could see bone. Now I know this sounds impossible for me to have survived such a cut but I made four passes on my wrist that night. Now the whole time I was lying there the blood was pumping. This is no joke, Jerry, and I really didn't believe in demons, but the whole time I was in the back of that truck I felt a strong presence.
Then I looked down at my arm and the blood had stopped pumping from my arm, and let me tell you, Jerry, I'm 6'-3" 290lbs and very strong. I ended up with twelve stitches in my arm and was put back into the mental hospital. I've been in 3 mental hospitals: Jersey Shore, East Mountain, and the hospital in Red Bank, New Jersey. One was for the suicide attempt and withdrawal from benzos.
I have been on depression medication since I got to the USA. I've had 5 different shrinks. I have mentioned that I have these put- down voices going on in my head and have said to them I think it's schizophrenia, but they said no that the reason your getting these put-down voices was because of childhood sexual abuse.
So my diagnosis is bipolar one, OCD, racing thoughts, thought disorder, and intrusive thoughts,with paranoia. I would like to leave America. Not to be negative, but it wasn't exactly the American dream I was hoping for, but I'm afraid to go back home now because the internal voice would always get me into fist fights. You see, Jerry, for some reason I can't take a joke, as we call it back home a slagging, being made fun of in a joking way. First thing I would hear in my head would be, "He's picking on you, are you going to him away with that." Now if I was to ignore the person and walk away, for the next week my head would torment me calling me a coward and to be honest that's the worst thing you could call me. It eats away at me like cancer. It depresses me real bad.
I would appreciate your feedback. I have been listening to your interviews with Mr. Stanley and the link you gave me as regards Swedenborg org. I must be honest and say that I don't have much faith in the field of psychiatry, but I do know that I am lucky because my stay in East Mountain nut house. I seen of people who were completely gone and these people were not coming back. At least, if only for now, I have a pretty decent handle on things, but I am in many ways very vigilant.
I'm not a Bible thumper. I got enough of that growing up in my childhood home from my father. My mother died of cancer when I was nine years old, but my father was very strict when it came to the church and attending. I don't have much faith in God anymore. It makes me sad to say that. I'm only being truthful. Just too much suffering. I don't understand it anymore. I do not feel like writing this again, Jerry, so if you wish you can pass it on to Sherry. Maybe she could point me in the right direction. You can use my first piece that I sent you if you want. Just keep it anonymous. Hopefully I will hear back from you or maybe Sherry. I will keep on listening to your interviews on YouTube and the links that you sent me. Be well, Jerry, and thank you for your courage on speaking out on this subject.
Good night; take care, kindest regards,
FM
===
On Sunday, February 12, 2017 9:01 AM "Jerry Marzinsky" wrote:
FM,
The negative thoughts coming into your mind do not belong to you and are not your thoughts. Do not use alcohol to self-medicate it will only make things worse. It appears you are being blocked from hearing valuable information that could help you on the websites we set up. You may not be a Bible thumper but you do have at least two guardian angels watching out over you who can’t help unless you ask. Before trying to listen or read any of the material in the links I sent you, I suggest you pray and ask them to quiet your mind and block out the interference of all negative thoughts so you can hear what the links are trying to tell you. Then start with Sherry’s “That’s a Lie Program” she developed to get rid of constant negative thoughts.
Again, you must understand that those thoughts do not belong to you and are not yours.
Jerry